Toronto might be the city of neighbourhoods, but how much of being neighbourly actually goes into your day-to-day routine?

Two women looking over fence

Sure, you wave hello or offer a nod to your next-door neighbour but how much do you really know about them? At the same time, how much do you really want to know about them? Either way, it’s considerate and kind to be there for your neighbours in times of crisis, for minor emergencies or simply to help another human being out.

Remember when folks went out of their way to welcome new families to the neighbourhood? A couple might drop by with a bottle of wine or a plant to greet their newest neighbour or mom might drop off a home-baked apple pie or oatmeal cookies.

While taking a token gift to meet a new neighbour may still occur in some areas, it’s very much a rare occurrence today. Why is that?  Are we too busy? Do we care less than we used to?  Whatever happened to the notion of being neighbourly?

While spending hours over a hot stove may be too much for some, let’s look at ways we can be neighbourly without being too nosy:

• A day or two after the big move pop by to introduce your family and answer any questions they may have. Don’t overstay your welcome.
• Consider hosting a casual dinner party or barbecue with old neighbours and the new ones.
• Given modern concerns around allergies and special diets, if you’re giving consumables, it’s best to give baked goods, a basket of apples or other fruit or specialty coffees and teas.
• If the new neighbours have pets or kids, introduce them to other neighbours with pets or kids. Better yet, offer to let their kids play with yours or watch TV at your house so that they can move in uninterrupted.
• Don’t overstep your bounds. Be nice and not nosy. That’s a fine line to tread but know when their eyeballs bulge that you may have stepped over the line.
• Always greet your new neighbour, even once they’re an old one. Wave, say hi or smile. And remember that even though you may not see eye-to-eye on most things, that doesn’t mean you shouldn’t be civil. Being neighbourly makes for a friendly, hospitable neighbourhood and those are the best in which to live.

Buying a home with even a wee bit of remorse is about as certain as death and taxes. It happens to us all unless, of course, you have money to burn and you acquire homes like the rest of us buy coffee.

Unfortunately, that’s not the case for most people. We invariably suffer some level of doubt, fear and worry once we’ve signed on the dotted line. Is the house too big or small for our needs? Did we pay too much? Is something major wrong with it? Will we get along with the neighbours? Will the house be a happy home? What if we see something we like better?

Our anxieties and fears emanate from the fact that purchasing a house is a large and life-changing event. But there are ways to calm your concerns.

Before you buy do your homework. Ensure that the property and neighbourhood meet your needs. Hire the right realtor. Ask questions and don’t be afraid to air your concerns with your agent. Determine your price and stick to it. Think about the home’s resale value.

So let’s say you’ve done all that and now you’re simply waiting till you get possession. And still buyer’s remorse haunts you. Put down the Xanax because there are healthier ways to deal with your angst. Here are some suggestions:

Check Your List

Before setting out to purchase your home you probably made up a list, either in your mind or on paper, of wants and needs. Review this list now. How does your house stack up? What attributes made you select this home? Did finding this home take a lot of showings? It’s important that you analyze the facts as this may help you discover why you’re now feeling remorseful. Perhaps you’d feel this way regardless of the house.

Stop Talking About It

Initially you were pumped so you told anyone who’d listen and that, of course, means friends, family and neighbours. But often your closest allies will be your harshest critics, questioning how much you paid for the house or the neighbourhood you selected or even the style of home you picked. You’re best to stop telling people about the house. And if you can, tune out the questions and criticism that comes your way.

At the same time, you may have moved to a certain neighbourhood because it’s near family and good friends. Seek out those individuals who will support and encourage your decision. Ask them to remind you about the positive things you had to say just after buying the house.

Freeze Further House Hunting

Do this immediately. This will only cause you more self-doubt and pain.

Your Realtor Can Help

It’s normal for questions, doubts and fears to crop up that you don’t have the answers to. Unanswered questions, especially for first-time home buyers, can turn a mole hill into a mountain, prompting more worry and anxiety. Your realtor can help ease your panic. Remember, it’s their job to help you through the anxiety-provoking process of buying a home.

Make It Your Own

Once you’re in the house, put your own stamp on it by painting, renovating and decorating in your inimitable style. Your remorse is more likely to fade after you’ve transformed your new home in colours and ways that suit only you.

Don’t Obsess

The stress of purchasing a home that you now regret can be all-encompassing. Try to remember that life is more than your house. Maintain your exercise and fitness routines, your time with friends and family, your leisure activities. Hang out with the kids and remember that a move affects them too. How are your children doing? Do they like their new school? Take time to travel or get away for a weekend. Don’t let the house overwhelm you.